I am five levels of exhausted. Five.

I don't know when I got through the first four but I have officialy arrived at this final level. I work too hard.

My mind isn't the same cerebral machine it was when I left home. For the first time in a very long time I feel I deserve a break. Today is FML's 10th Edition! For ten weeks every Sunday we've been updating this thing with new and different content. Every Sunday for ten weeks.

I'm exhausted...

I work too hard. At least I think I do.

I don't want a prize or an award. That's for McD's Employee Of The Month things. I'm not sure if I want recognition for it either. Life has taught me to work without expecting to hear a thank you. The work will speak tonnes by itself. It still doesn't change how I feel right now though. For almost twenty weeks, my life has been consumed by work.

I am exhausted...

I'm tired. In the confines of my own mind I sometimes contemplate not applying myself as fully in all that I do. In other words, I often feel lazy. I don't always want to get up early in the morning. Staying up till four in the morning doesn't always feel worth it. Even planning for the future doesn't always tickle my left testicle.

I am exhausted...

I think too much. Even now, the infinite space within my cognitive mind is trying to conceive a way in which I can get all the words I want on this screen, onto this screen, with my eyes closed. I'm trying to type with my eyes closed. :(

I'M EXHAUSTED!!!

My body is finsihed. I've been on my feet for nearly ten hours. I've had very little to eat and not that much to drink. The seductive aura of a soft pillow and warm blankets is pulling me in. Into the screen as well. My forehead has hit the table at least three times in the last thirty minutes and my blinks have turned from the normal human reflex to miniature sleep breaks in between each one.

I am exhausted...

I'm tired and I'm complaining about it. I have become, what you kids refer to as, in modern day lingo, a “little bitch.” I'm finding any and every reason to get out of finishing this before I go to bed. One of my old friends used to say to me, “Mzwa, you think too much.” Blinded by the loving concern in her voice I started changing that. I'd also heard I stress too much. So I stopped worrying about the “small” things I couldn't see. Like the future.

…

I just woke up. Literally and figuratively. I'm still tired, still all levels of exhausted, difference is, I'm “woke” now. I'm still tired...still all levels of exhausted, difference is, I'm “woke” now. I heard that when powerful statements are made, they have to be said twice. My body is awake, but I, Mzwa, am “woke.”

You're supposed to be working hard fool. What else is there to do? Rest? Is that what you're plan is?
To rest?

And when did thinking become scary? The human brain in all of it's infinte capabilities was designed for that process. And you're afraid do it? The most generic human activity and we refuse to do it?

You're young and full of energy, stress about everything now. When you still have the energy to change the things you don't like. Worry about the things you can't see right now. Your tomorrow. Today, when you're still young. I want to say wake up, but you are. Are you woke though? The woke know what that means.

I believe the human psyche is like a muscle. It needs to be stressed if it is to grow. Go into this week with the mindset of working harder than you did in the week that just went by. Think more than you did the day before. Stress your body and mind, strengthen your soul, your resolve. Secure your future.

I'm still five levels of exhausted, and still, I don't know when I got through the first four. I have officialy arrived at this final level. I'm tired...

Difference is, I'm woke now.

:)

Mzwa Thx Contributor